Daddy's hands

my father passed and we had his services on a saturday. he had been sick for over two and a half years. i went back to work the following monday, thinking it was expected of me. it wasn't till my boss and a few co-workers asked me "what the hell are you doing here?", that i started thinking maybe it was too soon, i was still bursting out in tears randomly and caught lost in thought frequently. My cousin had picked me up for lunch, jerk chicken, mmmmmm. as i walked back into work from lunch i noticed a colleague walking purposely towards me. i stopped at the door. She had a humming bird cupped in her hands. she had found it on the floor and had already tried giving it sugar water. it was the strangest thing. i had never really seen a real hummingbird before or maybe just never took notice, but for one to have made its way inside was just amazing. i called my cousin knowing he couldn't have gotten far, ~ a little about my cousin, he's a hardcore stoner, but he's also a birdwatcher. yes, you read it right, he's a birdwatcher.~ without even asking me why, he gets back out of his car and comes in. he takes one look at it and says "holy shit!", you know stoner style. i say you gotta do something the bird is obviously sick, i was expecting him to use his bird whispering skills and volunteer to take it with him and nurture it back to health. instead he did the unexpected, said to take it outside and let it go. i plead, "IT WILL DIE!". my cousin looks at me sternly and says, "it might, JB you all let that bird go!"" Now i'm all about the circle of life,survival of the fittest, and the food chain. I'm not even a animal person to be honest. but feeling helpless and thinking about death i just wasn't prepared for the emotion. so i took the out of sight out of mind approach and shrugged at my colleague as i walked away, leaving her to send the bird to its demise. immediately i went to my desk and googled the symbolism of humming birds. so much for the out of sight theory. [mara-gamiel.blogspot.com], the hummingbird is known as a messenger and stopper of time, because it can fly backwards it signifies not dwelling on the past-moving forward. a hummingbird seems lifeless at night, yet full of life at sunrise- resurrection. and its wings move in the motion of the number 8-infinity. My father was a pilot btw so this breed of bird that has amazing flight capabilities was also a personal symbol. i printed out the information and put it in my purse. as i exited for the day i stopped by my colleague and asked her what she did with the hummingbird. she said she took it outside and placed it on a vibrant red and yellow flower. it lingered for a bit then flew. it flew high and away until she couldn't see it anymore. when i got home my i went in my daughter's room, i handed her the printout. she looked at it questioningly. i simply stated that grandpa had came to see me today, and he's up high doing just fine. the reason i thought of this today is because i got a text from my daughter while i was at work. she had seen a hummingbird on the baby's window sill. 10-12-2014